Edwina
by Juleeroze
Summary: A little bit of fluff. Let's bring Captain Gregg and Carolyn Muir to the digital age and see what happens when our favorite ghost discovers computers, the internet and the web's dating websites!


The Ghost and Mrs. Muir belong to R.A. Dick and 20th Century Fox. FaceApp is a product of Apple, Inc. I make no money from this story.

_I am going to ask your indulgence in moving the timeline to our digital, social media age instead of 1968-1969. After I finish the story, you can move it back again! I hope you enjoy this little "bijou"._

_Thanks to Shaz for being my Beta. You were a big help. And please, no comments about Claymore's sexuality. It is __fiction__ and more than that, it's __my fiction_.

**Edwina**

**by Julie Feldman**

Carolyn heard the steady clack-clack of the computer keys as she made her way upstairs. The children were at school and Martha was in the kitchen starting a fresh cherry pie. Carrying a few reams of paper with her, she shook her head. "The Captain gets on that computer the second I'm out of that chair!" she thought to herself. "Who knew that someone who had died 160 years ago could be so enamored-and so good-with a computer and the internet? I'm going to have to buy him his own just to be able to do my work." She'd had to buy Candy a small desktop computer at the beginning of this school year, and even Jonathan needed to get online now and then. And then of course, there were the gaming systems downstairs. Thank goodness for Wi-Fi! But it was getting harder and harder to get anyone to go outside into the fresh air.

Opening the door to the Master Cabin, Carolyn saw Captain Gregg engrossed with something on her computer screen.

"What is it today, Daniel? Images of sailing ships? Biographies of great naval officers? GPS on today's marine vessels?"

The ghost of Gull Cottage looked up at Mrs. Muir with a grin on his face and a gleam in his aquamarine eyes. "No, my dear. I'm just enjoying the silliness that people get up to these days. Come look at this website."

Carolyn stepped around the desk and stood behind him and burst out laughing. Daniel was looking at the Welcome Page of something called "Mature Maine Looking for Love in All the Cove Places." She leaned in closer over his shoulder to read more. It was a website for people in the State of Maine who were looking to date someone nearby.

"Look at this one," the Captain suggested.

"_Lovely mature single lady who loves deep sea fishing looking for strong_

_man to be her catch."_

"And here's another one;"

"_I'm a fish out of water. Are you the woman who is meant to put me into_

_her fish tank?"_

"Oh, dear! That's terrible!" she giggled.

"I may just have to put in an advertisement myself, just to see what the reaction would be. What do you think of this, my dear? 'Young-at-heart 205-year-old ghost looking to finally settle down with a human female who doesn't mind being haunted. Must have blonde hair and green eyes and whose name is "'Carolyn"'".

"Daniel!" she swatted his shoulder only to have her hand pass right through. "Maybe we should write one for Claymore?"

"You do have a naughty streak in you, I must say! But it would be so easy to write something for that ill wind. Let's see…" The captain leaned back in the desk chair for a few minutes to gather his thoughts. In a moment he looked up at her, a devilish grin taking over his face. "I am the playboy of the mid-coast of Maine, but alas! I have yet to find the woman who could make me want to stay home on a cold night, while I watched her count the day's receipts. I am looking for someone who finds poetry in the tax code, joy in calculating compound interest and can sing the opera of the prices of stocks and bonds. Let us meet! Remember, married, filing jointly brings the biggest tax return!"

Carolyn found herself laughing so hard she had to hang on the binnacle to keep from falling on the floor. Whenever she thought she might be able to finally regain her composure, another thought of Captain's Gregg's creation sent her into yet further spasms of laughter. Finally, when she was able to get a few words out, she said to him, "You've got to put in an ad of your own, just to see how much you can get away with. If it can be only half as funny as Claymore's…"

"Oh, no! I will not have our privacy invaded, Madam!"

"I think you misunderstand how this works, Captain." He gave her a look that signaled that he never misunderstood anything. "Part of the process of setting up a profile is creating a drop-box in the dating site that allows you to pick up messages. Ignore them or reply that you're not interested. Then, just don't renew after the end of the first month."

Daniel stood up to relinquish the desk and the computer to Carolyn. "You mean I will have to pay for putting in an advertisement I write? Outrageous! However, I will have to think about it. After all, it wouldn't do to hurt anyone's feelings." Preening a bit, he continued. "I would imagine there would be one or two ladies who would like to meet me, after all." He looked down at Carolyn who looked perturbed as she took her seat, and then he winked at her. "But, of course, I would never allow that to happen. What need have I of water, when I have the finest wine?"

The next day Carolyn found Captain Gregg at the computer again. "My dear!" he called out, all smiles. "I have found a way to get onto that dating site for free."

"Oh? Aren't you getting a little carried away with this?" she asked.

"Well, perhaps a little. I have to admit, though, it appeals to a more juvenile part of my personality."

"It would seem so," Carolyn replied, dryly.

The Captain forged on, oblivious to her sarcastic reply. "You see, all you have to do is sign up as a woman."

Carolyn sat down on the corner of her desk, placing her face immediately in front of his.

"Hello? Earth to Daniel Gregg? You do realize that you have to write your description as a woman? You would be getting responses from other men…unless you indicate that you are a lesbian."

He blushed a bit. "Hmmmmm. I hadn't thought about that. However," he smiled devilishly at her, "it might be interesting to see how other men react. Put the proverbial shoe on the proverbial other foot, you might say."

She stood up, removed her shoes and looked at them for a moment, thinking how ludicrous the Captain's plan was. She rolled her eyes and put them away in her closet and took out a pair of warm, fluffy slippers. As she came back into the room, she gave him a serious look. "And don't expect me to write that bio for you. You're all on your own on this one."

"Would you mind at least providing me with editorial advice? After all, I do want it to sound believable, but I would never think to impose on you to do the whole thing. What would the point be?"

"Indeed," Carolyn replied. "Alright. Editorial review, but that's all. Now what are you going to call yourself? 'Danielle'? 'Daniella'?"

"No. I've never cared for the feminized version of my name, and 'Dani', a recent affectation, is much too modern for my tastes. In fact, there are some lovely names from my lifetime that have, regrettably, gone out of favor."

Carolyn laughed. "Like Matilda or Dolley or Ethel? I think they're horrid."

Daniel could only sigh. "I think they are quite nice, actually. I was thinking of 'Edwina', if you must know."

"_Edwina_? WHY, for heaven sake?"

"Why did Claymore name the lost baby 'Slugger'? Because I like it. It's a formal name, hardly used anymore and it has a certain powerfulness to it, a _je ne ce'st quoi_."

Carolyn gave him a cross-eyed look. "Just be prepared to be called 'Winnie'."

"Madam, you wouldn't!"

"Try me!" And before you could say "Mature Maine", he was chasing her around the bedroom.

She looked over the bio that Daniel had produced a few hours later. He had written it out in longhand in order to give her time at the computer. Somehow, "Edwina" seemed better in his old-fashioned script.

_I'm an attractive 40-something who looks like a 30-something and acts like a 20-something. I'm looking for a man who likes to be active, attentive and amazing! I love the sea and sailing and traveling the world, but I can be a homebody, too. I appreciate fine music, fine wine, fine books and a man who can waltz. Please, take me dancing, and let's see if it's a match made in heaven._

"I think you made a good start, Captain. What are you going to say about Edwina's education and job history?"

"Well, despite how times have changed in relation to the roles women now play in today's world, I don't think you'll find many female captains of cargo ships. Perhaps an airplane pilot? And ex-Air Force? Do you think that would work, m'dear?"

"Let me think about it," Carolyn replied.

The next day Mrs. Muir had a meeting to attend in Portland. When she got back to Gull Cottage that afternoon, she was rushed at the door by Candy and Jonathan who had gotten home only moments ago. Eagerly they started telling her about their classes, talking over each other. Scruffy set to barking and doing tricks to welcome her home and Martha bustled out of the kitchen, wiping her flour-coated hands on her apron to ask if anyone wanted a snack. Last, but not least, Captain Gregg popped into the midst of all the noise.

"What is the cause for all this excitement? Is the house on fire? Is there a typhoon heading our way? Or is there an elephant in the front yard?" he demanded, only partially disturbed by the noise of his boisterous family.

"Miss Stoddard was telling us about the history of the Schooner Bay fishing fleet in class today," began Candy.

"And my teacher had us reading out loud about John Paul Jones," interrupted Jonathan.

"My, children! You've had a very interesting day at school, then. We can talk about what you learned after supper," replied the Captain happily.

"So," Carolyn said, forcing her way into the conversation, "you'd better have your snack now and then go work on your homework if you want to hear the Captain's stories later." Martha ushered the two children into the kitchen as Daniel turned to their mother.

"I've just discovered the most marvelous thing," he began. "Have you ever heard of the program, 'FaceApp'?" Carolyn shook her head and looked at him with a puzzled expression. "Meet me upstairs at the computer and I will show you." The ghost popped out, leaving her to trudge up the stairs.

She entered "their" room and threw her sweater on the bed and took off her shoes before coming around behind the Captain as he sat before the computer. On the screen were two portraits. One was him, the other a beautiful blonde woman with blue eyes. Carolyn stepped back and then turned to look at him, and then look at the screen again.

"I don't understand," she began. "I thought that it wasn't possible to take a picture of a spirit, since you're only an illusion?"

"Well, that is true with _film_, but with an electronic camera, it is quite easy for me to program the pixels of the picture into anything I want, including my portrait, which you see here on the left." He pointed at the screen and Carolyn again studied the image. The quality of the picture was extraordinarily high, and the color of his eyes was exactly the same as what she saw when she looked at him. She could see the deep waves of his hair and how they shaded the color with a variety of highlights. She could even see a curl or two of hair at the nape of his neck and a small scar high over his left eye. It was an amazing job of programming.

"OK, I understand that, but who is the woman?" she asked.

He grinned a naughty smile at her. "That is what FaceApp is about. It's a program that can make substantial changes to a picture. It can add things like designs, clothing, colors and it can add aging effects, change hair color and hair styles, and…" he gestured grandly to the screen, "it can change male features to female and vice versa! The 'lady' is me. As Edwina, of course."

Carolyn was stunned. "You make a very beautiful woman, Captain Gregg."

"Thank you. I did my own manipulations. Those progranms are too blasted expensive! And naturally, I wanted Edwina to be as attractive as possible."

"But still," Carolyn continued, almost to herself, "it _is_ based on your face…"

"Ah," he replied, "wait until you see yourself as a male." A few keystrokes brought up a black and white image of a young, bearded man with a smile that started at his eyes before descending to his lips. The quality of this picture wasn't as good as that of Edwina, and he apologized. "I could only find a small picture of you that was useful for this purpose. I dare say that Jonathan will look something like this when he's grown." She nodded thoughtfully, lost in her thoughts for a few moments. In the meantime, the Captain executed a few keystrokes and then turned to her. "And there! I -or should I say 'Edwina'- is officially on the website. Now all we need is to wait and see what responses she gets." He grinned at Carolyn and rubbed his hands together. "Why, I haven't been this excited since that two-penny psychiatrist came for a stay!"

"Captain…you are incorrigible," she replied with mock sternness.

"Of course. And you love it, admit it…"

A few days later Carolyn stopped in to see her landlord, Claymore Gregg. The railing on the balcony outside of her bedroom was beginning to rot through and the last time she had put a hand on it, it had tilted dangerously. It wasn't safe to be out there until it was fixed, and she wanted Claymore to put in a better-quality railing than he had apparently put there in the past. However, when she walked into his office, she found him staring at his computer screen, sighing. Looking up, he blushed and quickly turned off the monitor.

"Oh, hello Mrs. Muir."

"Hello, Claymore. Did I interrupt something?"

He looked over at the darkened monitor. "No, no. Not at all. Is there something I can help _you_ with?"

"Yes, actually. The balcony railing isn't safe anymore and needs to be replaced. I'm worried that someone, the children for instance, could run into it and fall into the yard below."

Claymore wasn't really paying attention to her. Occasionally he would nod or say, "um hum", but his eyes were constantly darting to the monitor.

"I'm sorry, Claymore, but it looks like I really did interrupt something you were doing, but this is important."

He sighed again and said apologetically, "No, it's my fault. Ever since I saw this picture on 'Mature Maine Looking for Love in all the Cove Places', I've been obsessed. I haven't eaten or slept in the last two days. Do you believe in love at first sight, Mrs. Muir?"

Carolyn felt a tickle of fear begin to form in her stomach. She pushed it down and tried to respond neutrally. "I didn't know that you had signed up with a dating website?"

"Well, yes. I haven't had much luck with anyone that I've found on my own. I thought I'd give it a try for a while and see if I might get lucky, and then I saw her picture." He pressed the button on the monitor, and it sprang to life. She stepped around behind Claymore only to see exactly what she didn't want to see; "Edwina" staring back at her. "She's beautiful," Claymore whispered. "Look at those eyes."

Carolyn swallowed hard, hoping to keep from laughing. The poor man was head over heels over a picture of a person that did not exist. "Yes, she is a very pretty woman. I can understand how you would want to get to know her, but Claymore, I don't think that it's a wise idea to talk about falling in love with someone you know next to nothing about."

"You're right," he sighed again. "I just haven't worked up the nerve to send a response to her."

"Poor Claymore," she thought. "'This is really a bad spot for him to be in. Of all the pictures, why did he have to fall for this one? I should tell him, but I can't! I think it would probably do him in if I told him he had developed an infatuation for the ghost he thinks is his great-uncle…as a woman. Yikes, that even sounds revolting to me. I have to find a way to deflect him without him finding out the truth.'" She put a hand gently on his shoulder. "Claymore, I know this is a difficult position to be in but realize that 'Edwina' may live on the other side of the state, might be on the rebound from some other man or may be trying to make one jealous, or perhaps is looking to have a convenient man here while she has other in the cities she flies to. In that respect, she might very well be like the old seamen with a woman in every port."

He only shrugged his shoulders. "I suppose. But I'll never know if I don't make contact with her."

Now Carolyn really began to worry. She didn't want to be in the middle between the Captain and Claymore. And she honestly didn't want Claymore, who she thought of as a friend, to be hurt.

"Just promise me one thing, please."

"Yes, of course Mrs. Muir. I'll get the railing taken care of."

"Thank you, Claymore, but that wasn't what I was going to ask you. Please, don't be crushed if you don't hear from her or…, or she turns out to be something that you don't expect."

Mrs. Muir strode into the Master Cabin like a surge-tide. She slammed the door behind her and called out, "Captain," drawing out the word, "I need to talk to you!" He materialized by his telescope.

"Hello, dear Madam. Is something amiss?"

"You bet there's something amiss and I'm sorry that I got pulled into it!"

He had never seen her so angry. Her face was flushed, and her angry eyes were shooting green fire at him. She was even more beautiful when she was angry. "Please tell me what I did so that I can make it right again. I don't want you to be upset, especially with me," he answered tenderly.

She strode to the upper deck, on the other side of the telescope from him. "Claymore has discovered 'Edwina' and he is as infatuated with her as I've ever seen a grown-up be."

"Madam! You can't be serious? That lily-livered, spineless sea urchin? Infatuated with _me_?" Carolyn nodded tensely. "Is he going to respond to the posting?"

She looked at her watch. "I wouldn't be surprised if you have his response by now."

They both hurried to the computer on Mrs. Muir's desk. Moments later the Captain banged his fist on the table. "Blast! By the Powers! The idiot's actually answered. Here, read it yourself. I must think." He gave the desk chair to her and he started to pace. Trying to ignore him and his occasional outburst of swearing and thundering, she read Claymore's heartfelt reply;

_My dear, gorgeous Edwina;_

_ You're the woman I've been looking for all my life. I know without a doubt that we would make a wonderful couple. Everything you write about makes me feel like I've known you my entire life. We must meet or I will wither away pining for you. We can meet anywhere you like, and I promise to treat you to an enchanting weekend. I won't even ask you to pay your own way and being as careful with my money as I am, you can see how much it means to me to meet you. Please, please my darling Edwina! Say you'll meet me._

_ C.G._

Once again, Carolyn felt sorry for Claymore. Who could have known that he also subscribed to the same dating site and that even more improbably, he would fall, and fall hard, for the Captain's creation?

Daniel was still pacing, shaking his head from time to time, but obviously he had no immediate solution to this unique problem. "I could just ignore his email, as you had suggested I do in general when we started this little game, but he is _so_ pathetic…"

Just as soon as Daniel finished speaking, a small "ping" alerted them to another message in Edwina's inbox. It was from Claymore again:

_Dearest Edwina;_

_Please disregard my previous note. I know I have no hope whatsoever of ever meeting you. I am so beneath your beauty and loveliness, your adventurous nature and your sophistication, that under any circumstances, you wouldn't give me the least glance. But, even so, I must tell you again that I am in love with you. Ever since I found your picture on the website, I can't stop staring at it. I can't help falling under your spell, tumbling deep into your gorgeous eyes, even if they are only on-screen. Somehow I feel that I know you! This is absolute madness, I know. I can't explain it. I only know that my heart was meant for you only. Is there any hope for me at all?_

_C.G._

The Captain shook his head. How could this possibly happen? Claymore hadn't the least clue about what was going on and he was suffering the pangs of infatuation over an alter ego that he, Daniel Gregg, was responsible for creating.

"Blast and Damn! I never meant it to turn into this, this… drawing room comedy. And the poor excuse for a man is moaning over this made-up woman like she's his long-lost wet nurse. By the Powers! Madam, what am I supposed to do about _this_?

"Why, Captain Gregg, have you come to the realization that you – unwittingly – laid a trap for Claymore?" she asked. She hoped that with a little guilt and cajoling, she could get the seaman to follow her lead and write a gentle reply letting his "nephew" down gently. "Have you decided that you need to do something 'human' for him?"

He looked at her with anger in his eyes. "Never! That piece of jelly? That excuse for a hominid? NO!" He stopped for a moment, letting the anger drain away a bit. "No. It's just that I have felt myself fall under _your_ spell in the same way. I tried for many, many months not to show you what I felt, feeling how unfair it would be to you… to tie you to me, who could never share a life with you." He walked across the room to stand face-to-face with Carolyn, wishing for the millionth time that he could reach out and touch even her hands. Very softly he said to her, "I know what it is to yearn for someone that cannot be mine, Carolyn."

"Daniel," she whispered, "you can never be unfair to me. I would rather love you platonically across this gulf, allowing our hearts, our souls to touch, even if we can never be on the same plane of existence. There _is_ such a thing as 'soul mates'."

"Aye, my darling, there is. But there is so much else…" He closed his eyes as if in pain, even if he was no longer able to experience the feeling. "We have many days ahead of us to discuss _our_ dilemma. But at the moment, there is Claymore," he sighed.

Through the open French doors, they heard Jonathan and Candy run up the walkway to the porch. Carolyn started to walk to the hallway but turned before she was out of the room. "Be gentle on him," she said, and then she turned to go down to the children.

Daniel sat down at the computer again, looking at Claymore's emails. While he stared at them, several others came in. Opening each one he found responses that he could very well imagine himself using, if he was the one responding. Apparently the male of the species hadn't changed very much since his death. Obtaining a beautiful woman's attention was obviously still a high priority. But unlike his era, modern men were much less delicate about expressing their physical desires. He sneered at the gutter-like insinuations of the responders. What did they know about romance, whetting the appetite and enjoying the excitement of the encounter? Didn't they know that when at last, a sexual union was created, it was sweeter for all the preliminaries? And thinly hidden between the lines of these men's posts was a certain sense of wanting to put an independent woman in her place. Yes, that might have been appropriate in the Victorian age, but these were very different times. His Edwina (and yes, he thought of his alter-ego almost as a separate being,) obviously was a well-educated, physically and mentally strong woman who had a desire for male companionship, but no need to depend on any man. He found himself insulted for "her". "I must think more about how modern women see themselves in relation to the world around them. How difficult and aggravating it must be to be talked down to, belittled in so many words by men who take for granted a leadership position just because of their sex! No wonder Carolyn can be so on edge after business dealings with some of them. Why, that pup Mark Finley! To think he wanted her to do everything at the newspaper while he just sat there, playing Solitaire on his computer. Edwina would probably have smashed it to bits." He started to laugh at the idea of her as a mighty conquering Amazon, striding across the world to put all misogynistic men in their place. But then he stopped and thought about Claymore. And he thought about himself.

After a few minutes, he began to type his response. He would write and then delete the words and try again and again. Finally, after an agonizing amount of time, he had the best response he could devise;

_Dear C.G., _

_I want to acknowledge and thank you for your very heartfelt messages. You have caught me in a very awkward and dishonest situation. I posted my information after having a terrible argument with my significant other, and I wanted to make him jealous. I don't think I even intended to respond to any emails; just being able to show him that there were others out there who found me interesting would have been enough. But your responses caught me off-guard, because I know I have caused you pain. I have now gone back to Carl and we are in a better place than we were in before, and I am so, so sorry about what you must be feeling. There is nothing that I can do, except to apologize again about my thoughtlessness. I hope that someday you will find your soul-mate as I have found mine._

_Sincerely,_

_Edwina_


End file.
